So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
