Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
