I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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