I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
