so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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