I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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