Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
