maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
