I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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