i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
