Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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