Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
