I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
