Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
