Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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