so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
