she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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