I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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