its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
