if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
