Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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