Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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