I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
