Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
