I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
