everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
