I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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