I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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