You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
