im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just found puke in my bra..
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
