Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
did i just pee glitter
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
