69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
