Even water is tasting like jack daniels
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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