I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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