My sheets look like a crime scene.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
