I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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