Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Success! We fucked roommates!
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