but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You are the jesus of drinking
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
