Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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