U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
