i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
