You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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