I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
