no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
