11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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