He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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