We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize