i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
