I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
