hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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