i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
