she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
