Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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