Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
