I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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