dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
