is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
