Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
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