The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
