so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
