She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize