Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
