And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Randomize
