Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize