I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
