I think I am morally bankrupt
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
