his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
the day after is always just damage control
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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