someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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