Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
