...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
