Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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