I think I died a long time ago.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
